Shades Of Silver

This is an excellent example of writing tragedy.

The man's advice to the world before he dies gave something to think about.The advice on how we could not end up like that man gave something to really think about.

They say when you die you see your life in A Picture

I beg to differ, I saw Shades of Silver

Hey there, Tariq! Good to finally read something of yours.

Okay! Overall, I think that this is a good poem, and there are a few things that can be improved. I don't like the capitalizing of every word here; it's chopping up the poem, as capitalization places emphasis on a word in poetry, and since every word is emphasized here, we're not emphasizing anything and if we emphasize so much, we'll sound like we're reading from a dictionary.

So, kill that capitalization.

Another thing I want you to keep in mind as you write poetry, dear, is remembering to say in the least amount of words. You know how in writing, we use commas and semicolons and such to combine sentences? You can repeat sentences in story writing, but in poetry, try not to repeat so much. Repetition becomes boring.

By this I mean that you should combine stuff like this:

[[I Ignore The Calls of Friends & Family Alike
I Reflect On My Life to a Special Excite]]

Kill the I in the second line; because you can get the same message across without repeating.

Also! Remember the writing rules. Don't use 1 to replace One in writing; similarly, don'y use & to replace and in poetry. Write your words out, little brother.

Nice going. I enjoyed this-- despite it being sad.

Keep it up and write some cheery stuff.

Best of luck,
June

You are such a good writer. I have a challenge for you. Write something happy!

Hi, I'm turity. First off, I love the title of this work and how it frames the poem at the begining and end. I don't know why but I love the phrase 'Shades of Silver' (maybe b/c of the alliteration or the image it evokes). I agree with mizz-iceberg about your capitalization. Get rid of that, because it's very distracting and serves no real purpose. Or do you have a specific reason?

I Dug Through My Sorrows

Hello Tariq!

Interesting poem, I must say. However, I don't like the capitalizing in the poem. Not only is it unnecessary, but it's also distracting. It actually takes away from the poem. I also thing the poem was a little too lengthy and repetitive. Try to shorten it down. The thing with poetry is you have to describe things using just the perfect words, without rambling on about it. I find that if a poet is able to summarize complex thoughts beautifully in only a couple phrases, the poem is more powerful. Try to organize your thoughts, and write about the root of the matter. This poem seem more like rambling--semi poetic rambling that is. There is a lot of powerful imagery in this poem, which I really like. But I think you are having trouble delivering meaning through that imagery.

Other things I noticed:

--> Your rhyming scheme. You are not consistent with it. Remember, rhyming isn't always a good idea, especially for us beginners. It really limits our choice of words. Poems don't have to rhyme.

-->

I Can Barely Here Their Words, So I May Not Win